March 5th, 2022
2022-03-05 ○ last updated: 2022-03-05 ○ topics: journal, the Crisis, cognition, for the good timesI find my thoughts racing, resulting in my inability to sleep. I’m thinking about my Crisis: At the core of the event was the realization that I had built my life on a bed of sand, and it crumbled when the tides of uncertainty came rushing in. I think that I gave myself electroshock therapy, which sounds insane to write out, but it truly felt as if my nervous system was being reprogrammed: I felt shocks down my legs and arms and the nerve endings at the tips of my thumb and index finger turned black. Sensory stimulus afterwards, especially sounds and music, felt as though I was experiencing them for the first time. As a result, a depressive fog that has loomed over me for years and years was lifted. In the months leading up to the climactic event, I had incessant feelings of “strangeness” — something was amiss. I knew certain concepts and themes were important (e.g. Gödel’s incompleteness theorems) and was attracted to them, but I just couldn’t connect the dots. I’d try to write about…