Year:2021

Collection of journal entries for 2021; entries by month

2021-09-18 ○ last updated: 2024-03-11

Entries by Month


October 2021

3 entries

2021 Entries


October 14th, 2021

2021-10-14 ○ last updated: 2021-10-14 ○ topics: journal, life update, childhood, the Crisis, interconnectivity

Signed the lease for my NYC apartment today! Things are moving so fast, but I’m really grateful that everything is working out so well. My flight is next Wednesday, and I can hardly believe it! Finished reading A Wind in the Door recently. I’m trying to revisit books that meant a lot to me as a kid. “No book is really worth reading at the age of ten which is not equally - and often far more - worth reading at the age of fifty and beyond.” — C.S. Lewis And in revisiting this book, I’ve realized how much it probably influenced me and my general worldview. For example, a recurring concept in the book is the relativity of size: the protagonists visit organelles smaller than mitochondria and observe phenomena on the scale of galaxies. But in each of these experiences, there are the same principles and patterns that repeat themselves across time and space. The hierarchy in A Wind in the Door goes: farandolae → mitochondria → human → planet → galaxy → universe. It reminds me of my Crisis…

October 12th, 2021

2021-10-12 ○ last updated: 2021-10-12 ○ topics: journal, tennis, zooming out, the Crisis, oneness

Found a roommate, and we’re looking at apartments in Central Harlem — the one we’re applying to is amazingly beautiful. Incredibly high ceilings, which I feel like is rare for New York, tons of light, a community garden across the street (!), I’m very excited! Went to the BNP Paribas Open at Indian Wells with my mom this past weekend. Being in the stands amongst the crowd is so much more exhilarating than watching on the television. For some reason, I had the preconception that tennis was a “stuffy” sport live — I had the mental image of heads swiveling to the left and right in complete silence so as not to disturb the flow of the players. But in reality, the crowd is invigorating. There were cries of joy, uncontainable gasps of shock (when Andy Murray won via an underhand serve to take the first game of the second set!), and cheers of encouragement being sent towards the players. It reminded me of the oneness of humanity and the emergent powers of camaraderie. Another thought crossed…

September 30th, 2021

2021-09-30 ○ last updated: 2021-10-01 ○ topics: journal, life update, the trial, kafka, franz, the Crisis, mother, father, songs from the arc of life, capgras

Found out from the director of the Research Alliance that I got the position!!! NYC bound, baby! I’m extremely excited, but also a little nervous — NYC seems like a huge city (LA is no doubt much larger, but it’s shrunk by my access to a car) and I’m not quite sure how to get my stuff across the country. But I’m certain I’ll figure things out! Finished reading The Trial by Franz Kafka today. A plot recap for myself: Arrest in K.’s room → talk with Frau Grubach → talk with Fräulein Bürstner → appearance in court → encounter with washlady → visit to law offices → two guards and the flogger in the maintenance room → visit from K.’s uncle and visit to the lawyer → conversation with the painter → visit to lawyer for his dismissal, Block the merchant → cathederal → the ending Some initial notes and questions before I go back to revisit the quotes I marked: themes of pride, ego, shame, doubt, guilt, anxiety, paranoia, and transaction in opposition to love, faith, and unconditional acceptance…

October 1st, 2021

2021-10-01 ○ last updated: 2021-10-01 ○ topics: journal, the trial, kafka, franz, ms. lauryn hill

Thinking more about The Trial today. I was listening to “Mystery of Iniquity (Unplugged)” by Ms. Lauryn Hill while on a drive, and it reminded me very strongly of the institution of the court in K.’s trial. Here are some of the lyrics: Jesus, if this is not masterful lyricism, then I don’t know what is. Some versus that strike me as particularly relevant to The Trial: The more money you pay.. the further away solution And the defense isn’t making any sense // Faking the confidence of escaping the consequence Expert witness (the paid authority) // Made a priority to deceive the majority // Of disinterested peers // Dodging duty for years //Hating the process // waiting to be returning to their careers The truth is obsolete // Only two positions: // Victimizer or Victim // Both end up in destruction trusting this crooked system The Revolving Door // Insanity every floor // Skyscraping, paper chasing // What are we working for? I was looking at my eyes in the bathroom of Coffee Connection…